Time To "Rein In" Our Rainouts

Commissioner Venture inspecting Belmont 4.
"Looks fine to me if we fill in shortstop a little."

Hi, Gang. I’m reclaiming the blog from Phyllis and the other merry posters for at least this week because I think it’s time we had a word about rainouts and our “rainout policy.”
At one time, we considered ourselves a “rain or shine” league. If a game was on the schedule, by golly, that game was going to be played. Now, I don’t know if we’ve gotten soft or what, but the postponed games are piling up and it makes our decision to go from a 13-game regular season to an 18-game regular season a little suspect.
Let’s take Belmont 4, just for instance. It isn’t a perfect field. We all know that. Our team, the defending champion Catahoula Refugees had a game scheduled there for Monday and, yeah, sure, it was a little damp. Some heavy mist. I inspected the field in the afternoon and found it playable, but those Green Tambourines – and, I admit, some of our own players – thought conditions might have been a touch mushy.
(Speaking of mushy, have you considered signing up for the EdVenture Mushroom Hunt that will take place along Forbidden Drive near Wissahickon Creek next weekend? It’s a fun “ralleye” event and you get to eat anything you find. Spots are limited and make sure to purchase a “Guide to Edible Fungi” book that will make the day much more enjoyable. Remember, just $49.95 per entrant, not including required $12.95 collection bag and required $6.95 picking tongs. Everyone gets a T-shirt!)
Neither team, and that includes ours, submitted the required 300-word narrative to inform the league council of the request for postponement and that goes for the other two games that were rained out on Monday. If we can’t have rules, what can we have?
In any case, we have an interesting week coming up, because one of the previously-postponed games – Bishop’s Collar at South Philly Tap Room – will be made up on Monday at Chamounix 2, marking our first use of the seventh permit we acquired this season, thanks to Ray, who refuses to play there. For the unititiated, C2 is on the west side of the river, not far from Belmont Plateau and aside from having an infield surface that appears to be some sort of “Chia Pet,” it appears quite playable. Can’t wait to hear.
Results from Tuesday’s games were like this: Fleisher Art Memorial 23, Team Green Tambourine 13; Pen & Pencil 9, National Constitution Center 3; Bishop’s Collar 11, Zoo 4.
Lot of good games on the schedule for next week, with a lot of playoff seeding battles beginning to take shape. Keep an eye on the Zoo-Art game and, of course, the defending champion Catahoula Refugees versus the Tap Room, which made the finals a couple of years ago.
And don’t forget to purchase your narrative forms ($8.95 for a pack of 4) and register for the Full Moon Treasure Ralleye, which will be held on the full moon, whenever that is.

What Fire, Officer?

Yay, Hoagiefest! I don’t know what else to say, except, yay, Sports! And yay, Softball!
It was an awesome night on Tuesday for our annual celebration of scheduling things

Ran out of the Cordon Bleu
 hoagies, sorry, sad Nick.

when that icky Benson isn’t around. Yay, scheduling!
It wasn’t a perfect night because the Collar lost to the Pen & Pencil and that cute Russ Krause. That was a bummer, but, yay, Russ! Yay, cute guys! At least Ron didn’t show up and eat all the hoagies. Boo, gluttony!
We had lots of everything, but did eventually run out of beer and LPR, and P’s, of course. Yay, commando!
Those bad boys built a fire again. I have to admit that Colach had a lot to do with that. He seems to like burning down all the trees on the Dairy Fields. I can’t explain it. But, Yay Exuberance!
Next year, I think we’ll schedule this when we play that dreamy Art Museum team. I know we’ll win that one, and those cute guys won’t have to ride their bikes all the way over to get to Hoagiefest! Yay, convenience! Yay, cute guys!
Not much else to report. Commish Venture said inappropriate things to all the girls. But that’s nothing new. The Green Tanquerays showed up BEFORE our game and started eating hoagies while we were still playing. We were too nice to say anything, plus there was a game and we were losing. Boo, losing!

Maybe I had a few beers and some LPR, but
I'd never forget to say hi to cute Russ Krause.

We’re already planning next year’s event. Let me run this by you. What about Lobsterfest? The Commish says we have it in the budget and if we order too many lobsters, we can do butter shots with the leftover stuff. Yay, butter shots!
Tell me what you think. I love planning. Yay, planning!
This week’s scores:
NCC 14- FI 13: Love that they did it in the mud on Monday. Yay, mud!
Catahoula 16- Art Museuem 6: Boo, mean Catahoula! Hang in there, dreamy Art guys!
Zoo 23-NCC 7: We are tangled up in the standing with the Zooies, so Boo!
P&P 19-Bishop’s Collar 13: Boo. Except for cute Russ, and maybe George Miller’s dog.

HOAGIEFEST!!!!!

Hi. It’s me again. Yay, me! Just wanted to remind everyone again that Tuesday, June 4 – Yay! Next Tuesday! – is Hoagiefest! It will be at Dairy 2 after our game against the Pen & Pencil. Yay, cute little Russ Krause!
The whole league is invited, even those Tap meanies and that icky Benson, but everyone has to bring their own beer or other drinks. The LPR will be on the Collar, just like always, though. Yay, body shots!
Bring snacks, too, to go with the hoagies if you want. But we’re getting those great ones from Sarcone’s again and there will be enough for everyone. In the event of rain, Commissioner Venture will post an announcement on the league facebook page. Yay, social media! Can’t wait to see everyone (except you-know-who).
There isn’t really a wrapup this week, because Monday was a holiday and Tuesday was kind of rainy during the day and only the Constitution Center and the Pen & Pencil played their makeup game.
The Green Tangerines (who have a blog now; see blog roll list) or Tambourines or Tanquerays and the dreamy Art Museum team still couldn’t get it together and figure out which days have just enough rain and which days have too much rain. Anyway, P&P won the only game of the week. Looking at you, Russ!
Next week, everyone plays, everyone eats hoagies and everyone goes home happy. Yay, happy endings!

By Order Of The Court

SUPREME COURT C.C.S.L.
In Session, May 23, 2013
Docket # 35-2143-7JL
Team Green Tambourine v. C.C.S.L. Internet Blog

Listing:
Summary
Discussion
Ruling
Majority Opinion
Dissenting Opinion

SUMMARY: League commissioner EdVenture was apprised of two petitions put forward by Team Green Tambourine, a non-permit-holding franchise member in good standing, regarding representation of said team on C.C.S.L. web log.

The first petition was that the blog roll link listing for TGT be changed to a commercial site of a business of the same name, replacing a Wikipedia listing for the jaunty song of the same name by The Lemon Pipers.

The second petition was that the team logo on the web log heading be changed to remove the words “Touch My” before the words “Green Tambourine,” arguing that clients of the commercial business referenced in the first request might “get the wrong impression.”

DISCUSSION:
Justice Taint said he believed the two petitions should be unbundled and each ruled upon after consideration of their individual merits.

Justice Catahoula disagreed. “These matters are undeniably linked,” he said. “If there were no business operation, then the ‘Touch My’ wording would be viewed as merely a winking reference to the Please Touch Museum, the previous holder of this franchise. It becomes something other only in relation to the business.”

Justice LaNice questioned if the filer of the petitions was aware this was a “fictional” web site, but Justice Spencer said the actual nature of the site is not germane to the issue. If there is harm done, then that harm is not fictional, argued Justice Spencer, who, in fact, believed it could cause great injury.

There then began a discussion on the nature of endorsements within the league. While all teams are sponsored by either commercial businesses or establishments that operated in a quasi-private-public realm, there has never been a blog roll listing that linked to a specific commercial site.

Justice Ogre said the difference here was between “implied” and “applied” endorsement. While the league tacitly supports the concept of the businesses that sponsor member teams, it does not take an active position in actually promoting those businesses. While Justice Ogre admitted this was a small distinction, it is "the difference between coming to the league with a sponsor and being accepted, and the commercialization of the league itself. That cannot be countenanced."

Justice Catahoula felt that linking to a commercial site could “open the door” to abuse. Web log link lists have traditionally only been used to make navigation to individual team blogs easier. Justice Pittsburgh noted that the current link on the web site for the Philadelphia Zoo is, in fact, for the home page of the Zoo and not for the specific team. Justice LaNice felt that use was proper under the auspices of the “public good,” which is not covered for specifically commercial enterprises.

The discussion moved to the second petition and Justice Taint felt this was a freedom of speech issue. While acknowledging that some “over the top” things might have been written while the Please Touch Museum was a league member – he specifically cited repeated “Bad Touch’ references – Justice Taint held that changing the present wording on the team logo would have a chilling effect on future free speech.

Justice Spencer disagreed, indicating the opinion that each instance must be judged in a vacuum. “I am not personally offended by this, or injured, but every reader will bring a different set of values to the issue,” he said. Justice LaNice once again asked if the filer was aware that the web site was entirely satirical. She was assured that was the case.

Justice Catahoula believed that a precedent (Goldwyn v. Depantsing, 2004) should be applied in this matter and that the traditional accepted standard of “if they can’t take a joke, fuck ‘em” would be properly used in this case. Justice Venture awoke and called for a close to the discussion phase and a vote on the ruling(s).

RULING:
First petition: By a vote of 6-3, it was resolved that the Lemon Pipers and not the commercial site would be linked to the blog roll. Justice Taint said this was a classic “cake and eat it” ruling. The filer cannot complain about possible negative publicity emanating from the site while simultaneously requesting more publicity.

Second petition: By a vote of 5-4, the words “Touch My” would be removed from the team logo on the web site heading. Justice LaNice: “It wasn’t that funny, anyway.

MAJORITY OPINION:
Justice Ogre: Although it will be determined by history if this court did, in fact, “cut the baby in half,” with this ruling, the concept of “implied” versus “applied” endorsement carried the day. If at some later time, Green Tambourine establishes a clearly "softball-specific" web site, facebook page or web log, then that new enterprise can be used for the C.C.S.L. links list -- even if contained within that site is a further link to the commercial establishment. This use of "secondary linkage" is permissible. The Pen & Pencil "softball-specific" site, for instance, currently includes a link to the club's website. That gives the visitor to the site control over the decision to enter the commercial enterprise, while a blind link from the league's site clearly does not. As for the second petition, it is a frivolous enterprise. If the petitioner feels harm can be done, and if the league is in danger of liability issues as a result, then the concept of "risk versus reward" trumps any freedom of speech issues. Plus, trust me. It wasn't that funny.

DISSENTING OPINION:
Justice Taint: Ain’t nothing but a taint thing.

*****************************************

 Wrapup from Week 8:
 Art Museum 13—Constitution Center 2
 Pen & Pencil 12—South Philly Tap Room 9
 Bishop’s Collar 14—Green Tambourine 6
 Catahoula Refugees 12—Franklin Inst. 2
 South Philly Tap Room 20 – Zoo 14
 Fleisher Art 11—Art Museum 6

Yay, Week 7!

Yay! Before we start – and big shoutout to our leader, Ed Venture, for letting me do this week’s wrapup, yay, Ed! – I want to make sure everyone knows that this year’s Hoagiefest! will be Tuesday, June 4 at Dairy 2. (Because climbing that hill with several hundred pounds of processed meats is great for the quads. Yay, quads!)
I picked that day because the Collar plays – natch – and some of my other favorite teams, including that dreamy Art Museum team, and, of course, because that nasty Tap Room team and that icky Benson aren’t playing that night.
Those guys can show up if they want, and I guess they can have a hoagie, but there will be absolutely no Liquid Panty Remover shots with them this year. Except Al. He’s still cute. Yay, Al! Yay, cute guys.
It might be a good idea if there were no fires on the infield this year. The police came by and told us to put it out and then they wanted to lock up Colach – which we can all understand ;-) a little bit – and it interrupted what was a very good game of hide the hoagie. Boo, interruptions!
OK. I think that’s about it. We might need some more money, but don’t know yet. I saw Ed’s email that said the kitty was a little tight this year and all the boys started snickering about something. I can’t understand boys, but still like them. Yay, boys!
Now for this week’s results:
BISHOP’S COLLAR 14 – ART MUSEUM 4: Yay, win! Some of the dreamy guys on the Art team were a little down about this game. (Could have been those dropped fly balls). But come on, guys. We were like no wins not that long ago and now we’re back to 4-4! Yay, .500 ball! Yay, comeback!
CATAHOULA 16 – FLEISHER 5, and CATAHOULA 21 – PEN & PENCIL 10: Boo, Catahoula! Those guys are just mean and the big one at shortstop just laughs at everybody. I try to remember that Ed Venture is the boss, but this team just burns my buns.
TAP ROOM 22 – FRANKLIN INSTITUTE 14: Yay, Buddy! Fourteen runs! Yay, offense! Boo, Tap Room, especially that icky Benson!
FLEISHER 12 – ZOO 3: This is my 2nd-favorite Artistic team. Yay, the Arts! But I saw the standings and we’re tied with Fleisher, so sooner or later, we’re going to have to deal with them. You watch out, Fleishers! :-)
TEAM GREEN TAMBOURINE 22 – NATIONAL CONSTITUTION CENTER 4: Are these teams in our league? I have never heard of them. Yay, new teams! Yay, softball!
And don’t forget, yay, Hoagiefest! See you then!

For Whom The Ball Rolls

It was quiet in the Chamounix Forest on Tuesday evening as the good sun of late spring fingered through the tree limbs.
I wandered across the open grass near the ball field, but there was no game. This was not as planned. My first assignment for the new editor was important.
I was down to my last writing pencil and the notebooks I coveted at the papeterie on the Rue Passyunk could not be purchased yet.
The chilly weeks of April had passed, fortunately, but it was still damp and gloomy in the tiny room above the bar on Rue de Cerise. The last of the charcoal and wood shavings were burned away and I could not even afford a pint of the bracing ale. In the night, I could hear their laughter downstairs, especially Lynch, and sleep would not come.
Somewhere there was a ball game on another open field, but I had misplaced it, or it had misplaced me. A tribe of refugees, I was told, against another tribe of drinkers and ogres.
There might be ambulances and in the distance, away from the lovely still of Chamounix, you could hear the distant ring of a bat against the good, honest cover of the ball. It began to rain and I shivered.
The results would have to be invented.
CATAHOULA REFUGEES 18 – SOUTH PHILLY TAP ROOM 16: Two stout undefeated armies on the field of friendly strife. The Refugees emerge victorious, but only because Carol was robbed of her chance to tie the game when Joey Whiteshoes was ruled out after clearly sliding beneath the tag. There will be another day for these armies.
ZOO 30 – FRANKLIN INSTITUTE 18: What manner of beating is this, that leaves the vanquished not only defeated but humiliated? Ah, that there could be some sort of retribution possible.
ART MUSEUM 20 – ZOO 14: There once was an artist named Frank. To be honest, his blog usually stank. He pissed off the GT with a post that was meaty, then said it was only a prank.
PEN & PENCIL 9 – FLEISHER ART MEMORIAL 7: A narrow meeting on the Edgeley battleground where, for some reason, the air defenses have not yet begun to buzz the field. There will be shrapnel in the air eventually, however, and the smell of gunpowder on the rise.
GREEN TAMBOURINE 12 – FRANKLIN INSTITUTE 11: They have known trouble, these tambourines, but yet they rise to once again make their jangly music. It rings across the sporting plain in triumph for the first time.
BISHOP’S COLLAR 29 – NATIONAL CONSTITUTION CENTER 4: The man of the cloth drew back his robes and began to warm himself by the fire. It was a good fire, deep and bright.

A Tainted Postponement

Rainout/forfeit/cat fight
 drives Commish to drink

It seems as if the only interesting game in Week 5 of the CCSL was the one that wasn’t played, specifically wasn’t played between the Philadelphia Museum of Art and Team Green Tambourine.
While two other scheduled Monday games (FAM-TFI, P&P-NCC) were postponed early in the day because it was cold and raining heavily – those wusses – the Art vs. Tambourine game was not officially cancelled until, apparently, never.
The Commissioner has reviewed the matter, but reports that he has not received a 300-word narrative from either captain outlining the circumstances of the disagreement as to whether the game was supposed to be played, wasn’t supposed to be played, should have been a forfeit, or should have only been played by anyone stupid enough to ride a bike through those conditions for the sole pleasure of drinking outside in the rain rather than inside with Phyllis.
As a reminder, and this can be found in the updated version of league rules (v.2.7, 2012), all matters which are brought before the commissioner must be accompanied by a 300-word narrative. Personal style on single- or double-spacing, but those narratives must be delivered to the port-a-potty outside the abandoned snack bar on Edgeley 8 within 48 (forty-eight) hours after the Initial Complaint Report (ICR) is faxed to the league office.
As a result, the commissioner has ruled that BOTH teams will be credited with a forfeit loss as a result of Monday night. If either party wishes to contest that ruling, a copy of the ISO form (I Strenuously Object!) will need to be filed before the final waning of the gibbous moon.
In other (actual) results:
South Philly Tap Room 21, Green Tambourine 7: Well, they showed up for that one, Ray. Tap remained locked in first-place tie with Catahoula, heading into top of the standings showdown in Week 6.
Bishop’s Collar 8, Fleisher Art Memorial 5: The Collar continued to climb out of its early-season ditch with a narrow win over a FAM team that had been averaging 16 runs per game.
Catahoula Refugees 23, Zoo 15: There is really nothing clever to say about this one.

The Weekly CCSL Roundup, Week 4!

CARL "THE COMMA"

Welcome to the weekly Si Si Softball League roundup. I’m your host for the week, Carl “The Comma” Callahan and this is really a tryout, folks. Your commissioner, Ed “Daddy” Wags, has been looking for someone to tackle the typing trials and, well, what better place to find fame, fortune and fantastic softball than on Craig’s List?
No place, that’s what I say.
Let’s get right to it, Yes Yes Softball fans. We’ll go to the action on Monday and start with what must have been a rock ‘em-sock ‘em ding-dang of a darn tootin’ battle out on Edgeley 8 where the Wild Animals of the Philadelphia Zoo barely tamed the Jangly Instruments of Team Green Tambourine by a razorback hog thin 11-10 margin.
Gotta remember here that the Mildly Annoying Musical Thingamajigs had only scored a total of nine runs in their first three losses of the season, so it’s anyone’s guess what happened in this one. Either the Tambourin Verts found some lumber lunks or the Zoomeisters had some leather lethargy on the grappling grass. Now 3-2 on the season, Les Animeaux has played four games decided by two runs or less, splitting those. Whoa Nellie!
Over on Belmont 4, the Tappers of the South beat the National Constitution Center for National Constitutions by a 30-15 pasting. Nevertheless, the 15 runs was a record for NCC since its rollicking reemergence in the Of Course Softball League at the beginning of 2012, and not withstanding its under-the-radar sneaking around as Ancient City.
Finally on Monday, the Red Inks of the Pen & Pencil Club came from behind to beat the Bellowing Bens of the Franklin Institute by a 21-5 margin. The Buddy Monsters jumped out to a 2-0 lead in the top of the first but weren’t able to hang on for the next six innings.
Tuesday, the Fleisher Arties bested those Artie Museum types by a 19-18 count. Careful CCSL watchers knows that the Sammys have been a team on the rise for a while now and they kept rising like bread in the oven against the Groping Griffins of the Parkway. Fleisher’s only debit in the checking account this season was a mere three-run loss to the Tap Dancers of Mifflin Street. The Griffins, meanwhile, have played three one-run games and lost two of those. That’s how close the Ray-Bans are to a 4-1 record and a brighter outlook on the long, dusty road of the league season that appears to have wandered into an unexpected off-ramp for the Hanging Objets du Artism.
Catahoula finished off what must have been an enjoyable two days for the NCC, with a Dairy 2 win by a 17-5 final score (nice scheduling there, commish.) The Spotted Dogs of the Cajun Region improved to 5-0 and remain tied at the top of the table with the Roomies. NCC can sneak up on the Writing Implements at Lake Belmont next week with a single game.
And in the final game on the schedule, it was those Southern City Tappers with a 22-18 win over the Priest’s Collar (they ain’t Bishops no more, Aunt Lou) in a rematch of last season’s championship semifinal game. The Neckbands won that one, but they couldn’t keep up with Elmer & The Mashers in a contest that looks a lot closer than it felt. Collar Me Sad is now 1-4 on the season, but still has that old grit and determination to be a contender before all the songs are sung and all the mouthwash is gargled.
Let’s see what happens next!