The Weekly CCSL Roundup, Week 4!

CARL "THE COMMA"

Welcome to the weekly Si Si Softball League roundup. I’m your host for the week, Carl “The Comma” Callahan and this is really a tryout, folks. Your commissioner, Ed “Daddy” Wags, has been looking for someone to tackle the typing trials and, well, what better place to find fame, fortune and fantastic softball than on Craig’s List?
No place, that’s what I say.
Let’s get right to it, Yes Yes Softball fans. We’ll go to the action on Monday and start with what must have been a rock ‘em-sock ‘em ding-dang of a darn tootin’ battle out on Edgeley 8 where the Wild Animals of the Philadelphia Zoo barely tamed the Jangly Instruments of Team Green Tambourine by a razorback hog thin 11-10 margin.
Gotta remember here that the Mildly Annoying Musical Thingamajigs had only scored a total of nine runs in their first three losses of the season, so it’s anyone’s guess what happened in this one. Either the Tambourin Verts found some lumber lunks or the Zoomeisters had some leather lethargy on the grappling grass. Now 3-2 on the season, Les Animeaux has played four games decided by two runs or less, splitting those. Whoa Nellie!
Over on Belmont 4, the Tappers of the South beat the National Constitution Center for National Constitutions by a 30-15 pasting. Nevertheless, the 15 runs was a record for NCC since its rollicking reemergence in the Of Course Softball League at the beginning of 2012, and not withstanding its under-the-radar sneaking around as Ancient City.
Finally on Monday, the Red Inks of the Pen & Pencil Club came from behind to beat the Bellowing Bens of the Franklin Institute by a 21-5 margin. The Buddy Monsters jumped out to a 2-0 lead in the top of the first but weren’t able to hang on for the next six innings.
Tuesday, the Fleisher Arties bested those Artie Museum types by a 19-18 count. Careful CCSL watchers knows that the Sammys have been a team on the rise for a while now and they kept rising like bread in the oven against the Groping Griffins of the Parkway. Fleisher’s only debit in the checking account this season was a mere three-run loss to the Tap Dancers of Mifflin Street. The Griffins, meanwhile, have played three one-run games and lost two of those. That’s how close the Ray-Bans are to a 4-1 record and a brighter outlook on the long, dusty road of the league season that appears to have wandered into an unexpected off-ramp for the Hanging Objets du Artism.
Catahoula finished off what must have been an enjoyable two days for the NCC, with a Dairy 2 win by a 17-5 final score (nice scheduling there, commish.) The Spotted Dogs of the Cajun Region improved to 5-0 and remain tied at the top of the table with the Roomies. NCC can sneak up on the Writing Implements at Lake Belmont next week with a single game.
And in the final game on the schedule, it was those Southern City Tappers with a 22-18 win over the Priest’s Collar (they ain’t Bishops no more, Aunt Lou) in a rematch of last season’s championship semifinal game. The Neckbands won that one, but they couldn’t keep up with Elmer & The Mashers in a contest that looks a lot closer than it felt. Collar Me Sad is now 1-4 on the season, but still has that old grit and determination to be a contender before all the songs are sung and all the mouthwash is gargled.
Let’s see what happens next!

A POSTSEASON ROSTER REMINDER

It has come to the attention of the commissioner’s office that several playoff teams might be considering “roster loading” for the coming postseason, possibly trying to add “ringers” to their team for the sole purpose of “getting better.”

As you know, this is supposed to be a fun league and none of us got into this to win championships. We like having an adult beverage, enjoying the pristine beauty of Fairmount Park and having some honest exercise. (Which can also be accomplished, by the by, with a weekend EdVenture. It just so happens there is one coming up next weekend, the Fishtown Thrill Rallye, but more on that later.)

Anyway, the idea of adding players who have not been part of one’s team for the postseason is repugnant to our CCSL ideals, and please be assured that the commissioner’s office will be “keeping an eye out” for irregularities.

As a refresher, here is Rule 14, Section A from our league handbook:

14. Playoffs 

a)    Players are considered eligible for playoffs if they have played in at least six regular season games or are known by name to 75% of the captains.  In the event a player is injured, but attends the game, this counts towards eligibility unless the injured played is carried off the field by members of the opposing team.

That last bit is also known at the John Spencer Rule, although it has not been applied recently once it was determined that Spencer had been carried off the field by members of ALL the opposing teams in the league.

But there you have it. If your postseason player did not appear in (or at, in the case of those who were injured, but not carried off the field by opponents) at least six games are not welcome to take part in our annual Festival of Champions.

So, folks. Don’t embarrass yourself by trying to sneak in an ineligible player. The commissioner is watching and he doesn’t miss much.

LET'S FOLLOW THE RULES

One should never have to search for second base!

It has come to the attention of the commissioner’s office that a CCSL rain makeup took place Thursday, June 14 between PMA and PTM at Edgeley 7 --  an unofficial, unsanctioned, unkempt baseball field.  Multiple issues have been noted, and separate 300-word narratives will be required for each:

1. The infield grass was 6 inches tall, which is 4.75 inches over CCSL height requirements according to rule 32f.  I don’t know how many times I have to remind you all that this is dangerous and unfounded!  And something that can be easily resolved with an official Edventure push mower ($79.99) and weedwacker ($65)!  Don’t forget to order these from the catalog before the next Lawn Sculpture Rallye takes place at Girard College July 14-16, 2012.

2. The bases and pitching rubber were not set up according to league rules with Edventure tape measures (2 for $30).  Rather, they were just tossed willy-nilly into the baseball field’s unkempt grass, creating what can only be described as a “potentially dangerous situation.”  When we don’t follow the rules and neglect to place second base 16 feet plus Pi past the circle that is the diameter of one CCSL infield rake ($20) centered on the pitching rubber, this can lead to a bruised ego, scraped knee, or worse. Remember, safety first!

I have been told via OnStar car phone that the “final tally” of this game was Art Museum 17, Please Touch 9.  Since this game has playoff implications, and the margin of victory was less than 10 runs, it is probable that the commissioner will follow rule 57c, which states the game will be discounted and a Do-Over requested.  Just think of the meaningless game you just played as an Edventure! More information will be posted shortly.

Please submit your 300-word narratives post haste.

PROPER 300-WORD NARRATIVE EXPLAINED

Gang, many of you have asked how to write a proper 300-word narrative in order to gain the attention of the league office.

Well, I know that for some of you writing is an Edventure, so I thought I'd pass along a recently received 300-word narrative that is a fine model for what all of you should be sending my way. Have a great day, a fine weekend and don't forget the Quarter Moon Garter & Stockings Rallye that begins beneath the I-95 overpass at 3 a.m. Saturday. See you there!

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To: Commissioner’s Office

RE: Rain Out  #451, Edgely 8

Teams (list separately):

 Institute, Franklin

Center, Olde City of the Daughter of Guadalupe Constitution

Time stamp: 1:52 EDT, June 12^th, 2012

300 Word Narrative

In accordance with bylaw 27d of the Center City Softball League, the aforementioned teams wish to submit a requisition for form 11b, movement of a league sanctioned game.  Both teams and their captains are in agreement with aforementioned change and desire the appropriate channels to begin the paperwork to convey this change to said teams’ personnel.  The reasons for desired movement are as described below.

Captain Muhler of the Institute, Franklin visited Edgely 8 at approximately 11:45 EDT on Tuesday the 12^th of June and noticed a large puddle covering much of the mound.  Upon measuring the puddle he noticed that it was 3 feet across at its largest and 6.8 cm deep in the center.  The texture of the surrounding mud was rather loose suggestive of continued precipitation on the playing field.  Captain Muhler was also able to notice that rain continued to fall on him as he measured the puddle due to the fact that he does not wear a hat yet is nearly bald.  This malady worked in his favor allowing him to observe the rain and measure the salinity of it as it rolled off of his cranium.  The salinity was 6.7% at sea level.  Captain Muhler was able to measure an additional 3 puddles in the next hour and list their dimensions here:  1.3’ by 13cm, 2’ by  20cm, 5’ by 13 cm.  Their condition was soggy at best.  Given the rain and the prevalence of threatening puddles, Captain Muhler submitted form 11z supplemental form q to Captain Krisch of the Center, OCDGC who cosigned as witnessed by the League notary in front of the League snack stand and creamery.  As per League rules, no softball was attempted and we submit this narrative as fulfillment of bylaw 27d.  Word count 296. Now four more words. -- Captain Muhler & Captain Krish

CRIME, PUNISHMENT AND CATALOG!

Hi, Kids. Hope everyone enjoyed our Hoagiefest Edventure. Those who took part will be receiving an invoice shortly to cover the cost of the hoagies, the table rental, fire marshal permits, napkins, Cleaniswab area disinfectant and Toxiwaste Holders, shipping and handling and a small donation to the Rallye Foundation.
It has come to the attention of the league, however, that there were some “activities” that took place after the Fairmount Sandwich Permit expired at 9 p.m., which is strictly forbidden by CCSL Postgame Edventure Rules. I don’t need to remind you – or perhaps I do – that we are guests of the City of Philadelphia when we make use of these fields and any unauthorized hijinks could lead to a loss of permits for the future.
Now, I know we’re all “good friends” here, but here’s what we need at the commissioner’s office and PDQ. I have received several incriminating photos such as the one above and am diligently attempting to identify those who took the fun a little too far. Please, send any photos you might have to EdCommish@Rallyefoundation.com and that will help the investigation.
Also, if you witnessed “activities” that were not in keeping with the rules, please write a 300-word narrative and slip it beneath the recycled charcoal strike mat at the next home game of the Catahoula Refugees (Tues., July 10, Edgeley 8 vs. Buddyforce). Narratives may exceed the 300-word limit in the case of four (4) or more violaters being named, but they may not be under the 300-word limit or they will be returned.
On to more enjoyable subjects: The new Center City Softball League Official Gear and Collectibles catalog is out and I think all will agree that the 2012 edition is even better than the best-selling 2011 version.
We have a number of categories this year and so, I’ll just start at the top and give you the highlights. Order quickly, because some items have “limited” quantities.
PERSONAL GEAR – Arm Guards ($17), Leather Tunic ($44), Large Padded Cushion ($22), Elmer Ogre Beer Cozy ($4), Rallye Cap ($16).


Leather Tunic, $44.
 Available in M, L, XL,
 XXL and Ogre.

 SAFETY AND HYGIENE – Cleaniswab Kit ($15), Toxiwaste Holder ($12), Edventure Toothbrush ($3).
FIELD EQUIPMENT – Shovel ($45), Recycled Charcoal Strike Mat ($34), Festive Bunting ($39), Orange Foul Cones/Party Hats ($12), Pitching Rubber/Dog Biscuit ($20).
MISCELLANEOUS EDVENTURE FUN-DUCERS – Full Moon Rallye Towels (pair only, $12), Edventure Booty Bag ($25).
HOAGIEFEST ACCESSORIES – Table ($32), Ron Goldwyn Spray (protect your hoagie! $10), Jeff Flynn Lightning-Resistant Tent ($64).
CCSL COLLECTIBLES – Pete Kellepourey Autographed Shovel ($90), Elmer Wiley Genuine Giraffe Femur Bat ($129), Phyllis Demo Workout Video ($24 DVD, $18 Laserdisk, $16 Betamax), Belmont 4 WaterSlide Edventure Slide ($68), Pittsburgh Benson Bobblehead ($32), Nick Ventrola Guide To Temple University Nightlife ($16 unsigned, $12 signed).
Well, that’s just a “taste” of what we have to offer in 2012. If you would like to receive the full catalog, drop me an email at EdForLife@RallyeFoundation.com or place your request in a standard No. 10 business envelope and place it beneath the recycled charcoal strike mat at the next Catahoula Refugees home game (Tues., July 10, Edgeley 8 vs. Forcebuddy).
Include a 300-word narrative – single spaced is always preferable – on why you believe you “deserve” to receive a catalog and include a detailed list of your past purchases. Items can be shipped one of three ways: ground, express and EdVentureCare Delivery.
Standard ground shipping takes 16-18 weeks and cannot be guaranteed to arrive within that time frame. Express shipping takes 8-10 weeks for those who live within the city limits of Philadelphia, slightly longer to the suburbs and Pittsburgh.
EdVentureCare Delivery is guaranteed to arrive the next day. I will drive to your home with your purchases and bring them to your door. EdVentureCare Delivery – which includes a “free” Rallye Towel gift (although there is a small shipping and handling fee for the towel) – is only $12.95 per item for the first five items and $9.95 for each additional item. So, order big and save big!
OK for now, folks. Get going on those catalog requests, and don’t forget to send me your 300-word narratives regarding what happed post-Hoagiefest. Let’s identify the guilty, send them on their way and get back to playing softball and having a wonderful Edventure!

NO GAME TODAY! NARRATIVE TO COME!

Hi, fellow CCSL’ers, I hope you are all having a wonderful Thursday and are also not planning on attending today’s Art Museum vs. Please Touch Museum makeup game.

 Word has just been received at the Commissioner’s Office that one captain, alias Pittsburgh Suspendee #1, forgot to confirm an agreed-upon date with the Touchers.  Looks like my latest Edventure Full Moon Rallye really “stumped” him!

As you all know, Full Moon Rallyes (entry fee of $15.99, optional commemorative Rallye towels $8.99, for a pair!) are an exciting time, and also a great way to experience the city of Philadelphia and schedule makeup games.  Pittsburgh Suspendee #1 must have missed a clue right outside his place of work (What is a statue and rhymes with Socky?) and got lost on his way to Please Touch to inform them of the aforementioned agreed-upon date. 

A 300 word narrative is expected to arrive sometime this afternoon, and a decision will be made regarding the future of this game.  Depending on the tone and punctuation of the narrative, Please Touch may be awarded a 4-run handicap, and also 4 outs per inning from innings 5-7, inclusive.  This is in accordance with our latest rulebook (which is conveniently located on the right tab.)

But don’t worry. Just think of that 4-run penalty as an Edventure!

Important Reminders!!!!

Everyone, I hate to be a Gloomy Gus, but I have  to draw your attention a problem that's currently running rampant throughout the CCSL.  Apparently, some people have been playing for a couple of teams due to scheduling, rain, and women concerns.  This is not acceptable.  I don't want to name anyone specifically, but there are 3 people who have played for multiple teams this year.  Two girls have done this and one guy to the Office's knowledge.  One girl played for the Tap Room then defected to the Refugees for what I assume are obvious reasons.  Another girl played for the Franklin Institute then played a game for the Fleisher Art Museum.  The guy, a cousin of some other new guy named TJ (apparently people really are named TJ) played for the Philadelphia Art Museum then for the Refugees.  No fines or suspensions will be rendered for prior infractions but shall be handed down going forward.  Remember that you must follow the league rules if you wish to change teams and get your 300 word narratives in early!  They must be laminated and written in Courier at 18 pt font for ease of readability. 

Moving on, there has been a rash of pitching injuries recently, mostly due to over-eager hitters.  Just a reminder to protect yourself out there.  Catcher's gear can be purchased from the League office for $32.50 and pitchers are allowed to wear arm guards ($17), leather tunics ($44), or use a large padded cushion ($22) to deflect wayward balls.  These prices do not include tax and service charges.  Please email the league for further inquiries.

Now that the gloominess is over, I'd like to also remind you of the Full Moon Rallye that's coming up soon. June 12-23. Remember to bring your owns skiffs and scuttleabouts.  See that email that I sent to all of you for registration fees and rules and also know that as a friendly competitive warning, Carolyn and I will be winning all the marbles so expect to compete for 2nd place!  Just kidding.  Stay safe and see you soon!