Franklin Force, or "Catahooligans"?

Hello CCSLers!  Welcome back to the “official” Center City Softball League Blog!  Sorry I haven’t updated in some time, I lost my portable computer on Elfreth’s Alley, somewhere between stops 17 and 18 of the Historical Horse and Buggy Edventure (former) Pub Crawl right after my last update.  For those interested, the 2015 Historical Horse and Buggy Edventure (former) Pub Crawl is coming up next month!  Only $69.95 per entrant (sorry, edbucks are not redeemable for this edvent), we will tour all of the “supposed” sites of former 18^th century pubs in Philadelphia, and pretend to have a beer (or 3!) with our founding fathers!  No actual drinking beer though, remember CCSL rule 25b. disallows any drinking outside of Fairmount Park. Safety First!

On to more pressing matters, it has been brought to the commissioner's attention that The Franklin Force recorded a win against the Catahoula Refugees.  Good job! Franklin will have to forfeit the game and take a loss to Catahoula for failing to follow CCSL concussion and social media protocol.  

As you may recall from your 2015 CCSL rulebook ($19.95 in the CCSL catalog, select Edventure Expedited Shipping for next day delivery!) Section 13 covers various safety concerns, including subsection d. regarding concussions.  13d. line 27 CLEARLY states that any runner who is hit with a thrown ball in the head must immediately leave the game to have a concussion test administered by a CCSL approved team medic.  It has been brought to the commissioner’s attention that the runner did not leave the game until one batter after the incident in which he was hit in the head by a thrown ball, and worse, Franklin did not have a CCSL approved medic in their dugout to administer such a test.  This is a blatant violation of both the rules and spirit of the game, and not one 300 word narrative was sent to explain these actions!

With The Franklin Force’s otherwise stellar history of sportsmanship, this incident may have been overlooked by the commissioner’s office.  Unfortunately, a proper 300 word narrative was not placed under the official CCSL rubber strike mat (on sale! Only 64.93, a savings of 2 cents!)  at Dairy 2 within the standard 24 hour period.  Instead, this incident was followed up with another clear violation of the CCSL rulebook. 

Section 42, subsection j., regarding social media, states “no CCSL captain shall talk positively about a win over the reigning CCSL champions”

This is no way to talk after a win!  Have we forgotten the official slogan of the CCSL? “Safety first, fun second, winning third!” Charles Muhler III, once considered an ambassador to the CCSL, has crossed a line.  Therefore, as commissioner of the CCSL, I must suspend him for 4 games, rule the win against Catahoula a loss in the books with a score of 10-0 for playoff implications, and dock Franklin twelve (12) hoagies at this years hoagie fest.  

So in summation, congratulations Catahoula on a great win!  You played your hearts out.  

Have a wonderful Medmorial day weekend everyone!

P.S. Please join us at our next Full Moon Rallye, David Letterman retrospective Ed-dition!  Make sure to wear your old high school letterman’s jacket!  Or, if you weren’t that kind of teenager, we have Nick Ventrola Replica CCSL Letterman Jackets for only $149.95 in the 2015 CCSL Catalog!

Time To "Rein In" Our Rainouts

Commissioner Venture inspecting Belmont 4.
"Looks fine to me if we fill in shortstop a little."

Hi, Gang. I’m reclaiming the blog from Phyllis and the other merry posters for at least this week because I think it’s time we had a word about rainouts and our “rainout policy.”
At one time, we considered ourselves a “rain or shine” league. If a game was on the schedule, by golly, that game was going to be played. Now, I don’t know if we’ve gotten soft or what, but the postponed games are piling up and it makes our decision to go from a 13-game regular season to an 18-game regular season a little suspect.
Let’s take Belmont 4, just for instance. It isn’t a perfect field. We all know that. Our team, the defending champion Catahoula Refugees had a game scheduled there for Monday and, yeah, sure, it was a little damp. Some heavy mist. I inspected the field in the afternoon and found it playable, but those Green Tambourines – and, I admit, some of our own players – thought conditions might have been a touch mushy.
(Speaking of mushy, have you considered signing up for the EdVenture Mushroom Hunt that will take place along Forbidden Drive near Wissahickon Creek next weekend? It’s a fun “ralleye” event and you get to eat anything you find. Spots are limited and make sure to purchase a “Guide to Edible Fungi” book that will make the day much more enjoyable. Remember, just $49.95 per entrant, not including required $12.95 collection bag and required $6.95 picking tongs. Everyone gets a T-shirt!)
Neither team, and that includes ours, submitted the required 300-word narrative to inform the league council of the request for postponement and that goes for the other two games that were rained out on Monday. If we can’t have rules, what can we have?
In any case, we have an interesting week coming up, because one of the previously-postponed games – Bishop’s Collar at South Philly Tap Room – will be made up on Monday at Chamounix 2, marking our first use of the seventh permit we acquired this season, thanks to Ray, who refuses to play there. For the unititiated, C2 is on the west side of the river, not far from Belmont Plateau and aside from having an infield surface that appears to be some sort of “Chia Pet,” it appears quite playable. Can’t wait to hear.
Results from Tuesday’s games were like this: Fleisher Art Memorial 23, Team Green Tambourine 13; Pen & Pencil 9, National Constitution Center 3; Bishop’s Collar 11, Zoo 4.
Lot of good games on the schedule for next week, with a lot of playoff seeding battles beginning to take shape. Keep an eye on the Zoo-Art game and, of course, the defending champion Catahoula Refugees versus the Tap Room, which made the finals a couple of years ago.
And don’t forget to purchase your narrative forms ($8.95 for a pack of 4) and register for the Full Moon Treasure Ralleye, which will be held on the full moon, whenever that is.

What Fire, Officer?

Yay, Hoagiefest! I don’t know what else to say, except, yay, Sports! And yay, Softball!
It was an awesome night on Tuesday for our annual celebration of scheduling things

Ran out of the Cordon Bleu
 hoagies, sorry, sad Nick.

when that icky Benson isn’t around. Yay, scheduling!
It wasn’t a perfect night because the Collar lost to the Pen & Pencil and that cute Russ Krause. That was a bummer, but, yay, Russ! Yay, cute guys! At least Ron didn’t show up and eat all the hoagies. Boo, gluttony!
We had lots of everything, but did eventually run out of beer and LPR, and P’s, of course. Yay, commando!
Those bad boys built a fire again. I have to admit that Colach had a lot to do with that. He seems to like burning down all the trees on the Dairy Fields. I can’t explain it. But, Yay Exuberance!
Next year, I think we’ll schedule this when we play that dreamy Art Museum team. I know we’ll win that one, and those cute guys won’t have to ride their bikes all the way over to get to Hoagiefest! Yay, convenience! Yay, cute guys!
Not much else to report. Commish Venture said inappropriate things to all the girls. But that’s nothing new. The Green Tanquerays showed up BEFORE our game and started eating hoagies while we were still playing. We were too nice to say anything, plus there was a game and we were losing. Boo, losing!

Maybe I had a few beers and some LPR, but
I'd never forget to say hi to cute Russ Krause.

We’re already planning next year’s event. Let me run this by you. What about Lobsterfest? The Commish says we have it in the budget and if we order too many lobsters, we can do butter shots with the leftover stuff. Yay, butter shots!
Tell me what you think. I love planning. Yay, planning!
This week’s scores:
NCC 14- FI 13: Love that they did it in the mud on Monday. Yay, mud!
Catahoula 16- Art Museuem 6: Boo, mean Catahoula! Hang in there, dreamy Art guys!
Zoo 23-NCC 7: We are tangled up in the standing with the Zooies, so Boo!
P&P 19-Bishop’s Collar 13: Boo. Except for cute Russ, and maybe George Miller’s dog.

HOAGIEFEST!!!!!

Hi. It’s me again. Yay, me! Just wanted to remind everyone again that Tuesday, June 4 – Yay! Next Tuesday! – is Hoagiefest! It will be at Dairy 2 after our game against the Pen & Pencil. Yay, cute little Russ Krause!
The whole league is invited, even those Tap meanies and that icky Benson, but everyone has to bring their own beer or other drinks. The LPR will be on the Collar, just like always, though. Yay, body shots!
Bring snacks, too, to go with the hoagies if you want. But we’re getting those great ones from Sarcone’s again and there will be enough for everyone. In the event of rain, Commissioner Venture will post an announcement on the league facebook page. Yay, social media! Can’t wait to see everyone (except you-know-who).
There isn’t really a wrapup this week, because Monday was a holiday and Tuesday was kind of rainy during the day and only the Constitution Center and the Pen & Pencil played their makeup game.
The Green Tangerines (who have a blog now; see blog roll list) or Tambourines or Tanquerays and the dreamy Art Museum team still couldn’t get it together and figure out which days have just enough rain and which days have too much rain. Anyway, P&P won the only game of the week. Looking at you, Russ!
Next week, everyone plays, everyone eats hoagies and everyone goes home happy. Yay, happy endings!

By Order Of The Court

SUPREME COURT C.C.S.L.
In Session, May 23, 2013
Docket # 35-2143-7JL
Team Green Tambourine v. C.C.S.L. Internet Blog

Listing:
Summary
Discussion
Ruling
Majority Opinion
Dissenting Opinion

SUMMARY: League commissioner EdVenture was apprised of two petitions put forward by Team Green Tambourine, a non-permit-holding franchise member in good standing, regarding representation of said team on C.C.S.L. web log.

The first petition was that the blog roll link listing for TGT be changed to a commercial site of a business of the same name, replacing a Wikipedia listing for the jaunty song of the same name by The Lemon Pipers.

The second petition was that the team logo on the web log heading be changed to remove the words “Touch My” before the words “Green Tambourine,” arguing that clients of the commercial business referenced in the first request might “get the wrong impression.”

DISCUSSION:
Justice Taint said he believed the two petitions should be unbundled and each ruled upon after consideration of their individual merits.

Justice Catahoula disagreed. “These matters are undeniably linked,” he said. “If there were no business operation, then the ‘Touch My’ wording would be viewed as merely a winking reference to the Please Touch Museum, the previous holder of this franchise. It becomes something other only in relation to the business.”

Justice LaNice questioned if the filer of the petitions was aware this was a “fictional” web site, but Justice Spencer said the actual nature of the site is not germane to the issue. If there is harm done, then that harm is not fictional, argued Justice Spencer, who, in fact, believed it could cause great injury.

There then began a discussion on the nature of endorsements within the league. While all teams are sponsored by either commercial businesses or establishments that operated in a quasi-private-public realm, there has never been a blog roll listing that linked to a specific commercial site.

Justice Ogre said the difference here was between “implied” and “applied” endorsement. While the league tacitly supports the concept of the businesses that sponsor member teams, it does not take an active position in actually promoting those businesses. While Justice Ogre admitted this was a small distinction, it is "the difference between coming to the league with a sponsor and being accepted, and the commercialization of the league itself. That cannot be countenanced."

Justice Catahoula felt that linking to a commercial site could “open the door” to abuse. Web log link lists have traditionally only been used to make navigation to individual team blogs easier. Justice Pittsburgh noted that the current link on the web site for the Philadelphia Zoo is, in fact, for the home page of the Zoo and not for the specific team. Justice LaNice felt that use was proper under the auspices of the “public good,” which is not covered for specifically commercial enterprises.

The discussion moved to the second petition and Justice Taint felt this was a freedom of speech issue. While acknowledging that some “over the top” things might have been written while the Please Touch Museum was a league member – he specifically cited repeated “Bad Touch’ references – Justice Taint held that changing the present wording on the team logo would have a chilling effect on future free speech.

Justice Spencer disagreed, indicating the opinion that each instance must be judged in a vacuum. “I am not personally offended by this, or injured, but every reader will bring a different set of values to the issue,” he said. Justice LaNice once again asked if the filer was aware that the web site was entirely satirical. She was assured that was the case.

Justice Catahoula believed that a precedent (Goldwyn v. Depantsing, 2004) should be applied in this matter and that the traditional accepted standard of “if they can’t take a joke, fuck ‘em” would be properly used in this case. Justice Venture awoke and called for a close to the discussion phase and a vote on the ruling(s).

RULING:
First petition: By a vote of 6-3, it was resolved that the Lemon Pipers and not the commercial site would be linked to the blog roll. Justice Taint said this was a classic “cake and eat it” ruling. The filer cannot complain about possible negative publicity emanating from the site while simultaneously requesting more publicity.

Second petition: By a vote of 5-4, the words “Touch My” would be removed from the team logo on the web site heading. Justice LaNice: “It wasn’t that funny, anyway.

MAJORITY OPINION:
Justice Ogre: Although it will be determined by history if this court did, in fact, “cut the baby in half,” with this ruling, the concept of “implied” versus “applied” endorsement carried the day. If at some later time, Green Tambourine establishes a clearly "softball-specific" web site, facebook page or web log, then that new enterprise can be used for the C.C.S.L. links list -- even if contained within that site is a further link to the commercial establishment. This use of "secondary linkage" is permissible. The Pen & Pencil "softball-specific" site, for instance, currently includes a link to the club's website. That gives the visitor to the site control over the decision to enter the commercial enterprise, while a blind link from the league's site clearly does not. As for the second petition, it is a frivolous enterprise. If the petitioner feels harm can be done, and if the league is in danger of liability issues as a result, then the concept of "risk versus reward" trumps any freedom of speech issues. Plus, trust me. It wasn't that funny.

DISSENTING OPINION:
Justice Taint: Ain’t nothing but a taint thing.

*****************************************

 Wrapup from Week 8:
 Art Museum 13—Constitution Center 2
 Pen & Pencil 12—South Philly Tap Room 9
 Bishop’s Collar 14—Green Tambourine 6
 Catahoula Refugees 12—Franklin Inst. 2
 South Philly Tap Room 20 – Zoo 14
 Fleisher Art 11—Art Museum 6

Yay, Week 7!

Yay! Before we start – and big shoutout to our leader, Ed Venture, for letting me do this week’s wrapup, yay, Ed! – I want to make sure everyone knows that this year’s Hoagiefest! will be Tuesday, June 4 at Dairy 2. (Because climbing that hill with several hundred pounds of processed meats is great for the quads. Yay, quads!)
I picked that day because the Collar plays – natch – and some of my other favorite teams, including that dreamy Art Museum team, and, of course, because that nasty Tap Room team and that icky Benson aren’t playing that night.
Those guys can show up if they want, and I guess they can have a hoagie, but there will be absolutely no Liquid Panty Remover shots with them this year. Except Al. He’s still cute. Yay, Al! Yay, cute guys.
It might be a good idea if there were no fires on the infield this year. The police came by and told us to put it out and then they wanted to lock up Colach – which we can all understand ;-) a little bit – and it interrupted what was a very good game of hide the hoagie. Boo, interruptions!
OK. I think that’s about it. We might need some more money, but don’t know yet. I saw Ed’s email that said the kitty was a little tight this year and all the boys started snickering about something. I can’t understand boys, but still like them. Yay, boys!
Now for this week’s results:
BISHOP’S COLLAR 14 – ART MUSEUM 4: Yay, win! Some of the dreamy guys on the Art team were a little down about this game. (Could have been those dropped fly balls). But come on, guys. We were like no wins not that long ago and now we’re back to 4-4! Yay, .500 ball! Yay, comeback!
CATAHOULA 16 – FLEISHER 5, and CATAHOULA 21 – PEN & PENCIL 10: Boo, Catahoula! Those guys are just mean and the big one at shortstop just laughs at everybody. I try to remember that Ed Venture is the boss, but this team just burns my buns.
TAP ROOM 22 – FRANKLIN INSTITUTE 14: Yay, Buddy! Fourteen runs! Yay, offense! Boo, Tap Room, especially that icky Benson!
FLEISHER 12 – ZOO 3: This is my 2nd-favorite Artistic team. Yay, the Arts! But I saw the standings and we’re tied with Fleisher, so sooner or later, we’re going to have to deal with them. You watch out, Fleishers! :-)
TEAM GREEN TAMBOURINE 22 – NATIONAL CONSTITUTION CENTER 4: Are these teams in our league? I have never heard of them. Yay, new teams! Yay, softball!
And don’t forget, yay, Hoagiefest! See you then!

For Whom The Ball Rolls

It was quiet in the Chamounix Forest on Tuesday evening as the good sun of late spring fingered through the tree limbs.
I wandered across the open grass near the ball field, but there was no game. This was not as planned. My first assignment for the new editor was important.
I was down to my last writing pencil and the notebooks I coveted at the papeterie on the Rue Passyunk could not be purchased yet.
The chilly weeks of April had passed, fortunately, but it was still damp and gloomy in the tiny room above the bar on Rue de Cerise. The last of the charcoal and wood shavings were burned away and I could not even afford a pint of the bracing ale. In the night, I could hear their laughter downstairs, especially Lynch, and sleep would not come.
Somewhere there was a ball game on another open field, but I had misplaced it, or it had misplaced me. A tribe of refugees, I was told, against another tribe of drinkers and ogres.
There might be ambulances and in the distance, away from the lovely still of Chamounix, you could hear the distant ring of a bat against the good, honest cover of the ball. It began to rain and I shivered.
The results would have to be invented.
CATAHOULA REFUGEES 18 – SOUTH PHILLY TAP ROOM 16: Two stout undefeated armies on the field of friendly strife. The Refugees emerge victorious, but only because Carol was robbed of her chance to tie the game when Joey Whiteshoes was ruled out after clearly sliding beneath the tag. There will be another day for these armies.
ZOO 30 – FRANKLIN INSTITUTE 18: What manner of beating is this, that leaves the vanquished not only defeated but humiliated? Ah, that there could be some sort of retribution possible.
ART MUSEUM 20 – ZOO 14: There once was an artist named Frank. To be honest, his blog usually stank. He pissed off the GT with a post that was meaty, then said it was only a prank.
PEN & PENCIL 9 – FLEISHER ART MEMORIAL 7: A narrow meeting on the Edgeley battleground where, for some reason, the air defenses have not yet begun to buzz the field. There will be shrapnel in the air eventually, however, and the smell of gunpowder on the rise.
GREEN TAMBOURINE 12 – FRANKLIN INSTITUTE 11: They have known trouble, these tambourines, but yet they rise to once again make their jangly music. It rings across the sporting plain in triumph for the first time.
BISHOP’S COLLAR 29 – NATIONAL CONSTITUTION CENTER 4: The man of the cloth drew back his robes and began to warm himself by the fire. It was a good fire, deep and bright.

A Tainted Postponement

Rainout/forfeit/cat fight
 drives Commish to drink

It seems as if the only interesting game in Week 5 of the CCSL was the one that wasn’t played, specifically wasn’t played between the Philadelphia Museum of Art and Team Green Tambourine.
While two other scheduled Monday games (FAM-TFI, P&P-NCC) were postponed early in the day because it was cold and raining heavily – those wusses – the Art vs. Tambourine game was not officially cancelled until, apparently, never.
The Commissioner has reviewed the matter, but reports that he has not received a 300-word narrative from either captain outlining the circumstances of the disagreement as to whether the game was supposed to be played, wasn’t supposed to be played, should have been a forfeit, or should have only been played by anyone stupid enough to ride a bike through those conditions for the sole pleasure of drinking outside in the rain rather than inside with Phyllis.
As a reminder, and this can be found in the updated version of league rules (v.2.7, 2012), all matters which are brought before the commissioner must be accompanied by a 300-word narrative. Personal style on single- or double-spacing, but those narratives must be delivered to the port-a-potty outside the abandoned snack bar on Edgeley 8 within 48 (forty-eight) hours after the Initial Complaint Report (ICR) is faxed to the league office.
As a result, the commissioner has ruled that BOTH teams will be credited with a forfeit loss as a result of Monday night. If either party wishes to contest that ruling, a copy of the ISO form (I Strenuously Object!) will need to be filed before the final waning of the gibbous moon.
In other (actual) results:
South Philly Tap Room 21, Green Tambourine 7: Well, they showed up for that one, Ray. Tap remained locked in first-place tie with Catahoula, heading into top of the standings showdown in Week 6.
Bishop’s Collar 8, Fleisher Art Memorial 5: The Collar continued to climb out of its early-season ditch with a narrow win over a FAM team that had been averaging 16 runs per game.
Catahoula Refugees 23, Zoo 15: There is really nothing clever to say about this one.

The Weekly CCSL Roundup, Week 4!

CARL "THE COMMA"

Welcome to the weekly Si Si Softball League roundup. I’m your host for the week, Carl “The Comma” Callahan and this is really a tryout, folks. Your commissioner, Ed “Daddy” Wags, has been looking for someone to tackle the typing trials and, well, what better place to find fame, fortune and fantastic softball than on Craig’s List?
No place, that’s what I say.
Let’s get right to it, Yes Yes Softball fans. We’ll go to the action on Monday and start with what must have been a rock ‘em-sock ‘em ding-dang of a darn tootin’ battle out on Edgeley 8 where the Wild Animals of the Philadelphia Zoo barely tamed the Jangly Instruments of Team Green Tambourine by a razorback hog thin 11-10 margin.
Gotta remember here that the Mildly Annoying Musical Thingamajigs had only scored a total of nine runs in their first three losses of the season, so it’s anyone’s guess what happened in this one. Either the Tambourin Verts found some lumber lunks or the Zoomeisters had some leather lethargy on the grappling grass. Now 3-2 on the season, Les Animeaux has played four games decided by two runs or less, splitting those. Whoa Nellie!
Over on Belmont 4, the Tappers of the South beat the National Constitution Center for National Constitutions by a 30-15 pasting. Nevertheless, the 15 runs was a record for NCC since its rollicking reemergence in the Of Course Softball League at the beginning of 2012, and not withstanding its under-the-radar sneaking around as Ancient City.
Finally on Monday, the Red Inks of the Pen & Pencil Club came from behind to beat the Bellowing Bens of the Franklin Institute by a 21-5 margin. The Buddy Monsters jumped out to a 2-0 lead in the top of the first but weren’t able to hang on for the next six innings.
Tuesday, the Fleisher Arties bested those Artie Museum types by a 19-18 count. Careful CCSL watchers knows that the Sammys have been a team on the rise for a while now and they kept rising like bread in the oven against the Groping Griffins of the Parkway. Fleisher’s only debit in the checking account this season was a mere three-run loss to the Tap Dancers of Mifflin Street. The Griffins, meanwhile, have played three one-run games and lost two of those. That’s how close the Ray-Bans are to a 4-1 record and a brighter outlook on the long, dusty road of the league season that appears to have wandered into an unexpected off-ramp for the Hanging Objets du Artism.
Catahoula finished off what must have been an enjoyable two days for the NCC, with a Dairy 2 win by a 17-5 final score (nice scheduling there, commish.) The Spotted Dogs of the Cajun Region improved to 5-0 and remain tied at the top of the table with the Roomies. NCC can sneak up on the Writing Implements at Lake Belmont next week with a single game.
And in the final game on the schedule, it was those Southern City Tappers with a 22-18 win over the Priest’s Collar (they ain’t Bishops no more, Aunt Lou) in a rematch of last season’s championship semifinal game. The Neckbands won that one, but they couldn’t keep up with Elmer & The Mashers in a contest that looks a lot closer than it felt. Collar Me Sad is now 1-4 on the season, but still has that old grit and determination to be a contender before all the songs are sung and all the mouthwash is gargled.
Let’s see what happens next!

A POSTSEASON ROSTER REMINDER

It has come to the attention of the commissioner’s office that several playoff teams might be considering “roster loading” for the coming postseason, possibly trying to add “ringers” to their team for the sole purpose of “getting better.”

As you know, this is supposed to be a fun league and none of us got into this to win championships. We like having an adult beverage, enjoying the pristine beauty of Fairmount Park and having some honest exercise. (Which can also be accomplished, by the by, with a weekend EdVenture. It just so happens there is one coming up next weekend, the Fishtown Thrill Rallye, but more on that later.)

Anyway, the idea of adding players who have not been part of one’s team for the postseason is repugnant to our CCSL ideals, and please be assured that the commissioner’s office will be “keeping an eye out” for irregularities.

As a refresher, here is Rule 14, Section A from our league handbook:

14. Playoffs 

a)    Players are considered eligible for playoffs if they have played in at least six regular season games or are known by name to 75% of the captains.  In the event a player is injured, but attends the game, this counts towards eligibility unless the injured played is carried off the field by members of the opposing team.

That last bit is also known at the John Spencer Rule, although it has not been applied recently once it was determined that Spencer had been carried off the field by members of ALL the opposing teams in the league.

But there you have it. If your postseason player did not appear in (or at, in the case of those who were injured, but not carried off the field by opponents) at least six games are not welcome to take part in our annual Festival of Champions.

So, folks. Don’t embarrass yourself by trying to sneak in an ineligible player. The commissioner is watching and he doesn’t miss much.

LET'S FOLLOW THE RULES

One should never have to search for second base!

It has come to the attention of the commissioner’s office that a CCSL rain makeup took place Thursday, June 14 between PMA and PTM at Edgeley 7 --  an unofficial, unsanctioned, unkempt baseball field.  Multiple issues have been noted, and separate 300-word narratives will be required for each:

1. The infield grass was 6 inches tall, which is 4.75 inches over CCSL height requirements according to rule 32f.  I don’t know how many times I have to remind you all that this is dangerous and unfounded!  And something that can be easily resolved with an official Edventure push mower ($79.99) and weedwacker ($65)!  Don’t forget to order these from the catalog before the next Lawn Sculpture Rallye takes place at Girard College July 14-16, 2012.

2. The bases and pitching rubber were not set up according to league rules with Edventure tape measures (2 for $30).  Rather, they were just tossed willy-nilly into the baseball field’s unkempt grass, creating what can only be described as a “potentially dangerous situation.”  When we don’t follow the rules and neglect to place second base 16 feet plus Pi past the circle that is the diameter of one CCSL infield rake ($20) centered on the pitching rubber, this can lead to a bruised ego, scraped knee, or worse. Remember, safety first!

I have been told via OnStar car phone that the “final tally” of this game was Art Museum 17, Please Touch 9.  Since this game has playoff implications, and the margin of victory was less than 10 runs, it is probable that the commissioner will follow rule 57c, which states the game will be discounted and a Do-Over requested.  Just think of the meaningless game you just played as an Edventure! More information will be posted shortly.

Please submit your 300-word narratives post haste.

PROPER 300-WORD NARRATIVE EXPLAINED

Gang, many of you have asked how to write a proper 300-word narrative in order to gain the attention of the league office.

Well, I know that for some of you writing is an Edventure, so I thought I'd pass along a recently received 300-word narrative that is a fine model for what all of you should be sending my way. Have a great day, a fine weekend and don't forget the Quarter Moon Garter & Stockings Rallye that begins beneath the I-95 overpass at 3 a.m. Saturday. See you there!

--------------

To: Commissioner’s Office

RE: Rain Out  #451, Edgely 8

Teams (list separately):

 Institute, Franklin

Center, Olde City of the Daughter of Guadalupe Constitution

Time stamp: 1:52 EDT, June 12^th, 2012

300 Word Narrative

In accordance with bylaw 27d of the Center City Softball League, the aforementioned teams wish to submit a requisition for form 11b, movement of a league sanctioned game.  Both teams and their captains are in agreement with aforementioned change and desire the appropriate channels to begin the paperwork to convey this change to said teams’ personnel.  The reasons for desired movement are as described below.

Captain Muhler of the Institute, Franklin visited Edgely 8 at approximately 11:45 EDT on Tuesday the 12^th of June and noticed a large puddle covering much of the mound.  Upon measuring the puddle he noticed that it was 3 feet across at its largest and 6.8 cm deep in the center.  The texture of the surrounding mud was rather loose suggestive of continued precipitation on the playing field.  Captain Muhler was also able to notice that rain continued to fall on him as he measured the puddle due to the fact that he does not wear a hat yet is nearly bald.  This malady worked in his favor allowing him to observe the rain and measure the salinity of it as it rolled off of his cranium.  The salinity was 6.7% at sea level.  Captain Muhler was able to measure an additional 3 puddles in the next hour and list their dimensions here:  1.3’ by 13cm, 2’ by  20cm, 5’ by 13 cm.  Their condition was soggy at best.  Given the rain and the prevalence of threatening puddles, Captain Muhler submitted form 11z supplemental form q to Captain Krisch of the Center, OCDGC who cosigned as witnessed by the League notary in front of the League snack stand and creamery.  As per League rules, no softball was attempted and we submit this narrative as fulfillment of bylaw 27d.  Word count 296. Now four more words. -- Captain Muhler & Captain Krish

CRIME, PUNISHMENT AND CATALOG!

Hi, Kids. Hope everyone enjoyed our Hoagiefest Edventure. Those who took part will be receiving an invoice shortly to cover the cost of the hoagies, the table rental, fire marshal permits, napkins, Cleaniswab area disinfectant and Toxiwaste Holders, shipping and handling and a small donation to the Rallye Foundation.
It has come to the attention of the league, however, that there were some “activities” that took place after the Fairmount Sandwich Permit expired at 9 p.m., which is strictly forbidden by CCSL Postgame Edventure Rules. I don’t need to remind you – or perhaps I do – that we are guests of the City of Philadelphia when we make use of these fields and any unauthorized hijinks could lead to a loss of permits for the future.
Now, I know we’re all “good friends” here, but here’s what we need at the commissioner’s office and PDQ. I have received several incriminating photos such as the one above and am diligently attempting to identify those who took the fun a little too far. Please, send any photos you might have to EdCommish@Rallyefoundation.com and that will help the investigation.
Also, if you witnessed “activities” that were not in keeping with the rules, please write a 300-word narrative and slip it beneath the recycled charcoal strike mat at the next home game of the Catahoula Refugees (Tues., July 10, Edgeley 8 vs. Buddyforce). Narratives may exceed the 300-word limit in the case of four (4) or more violaters being named, but they may not be under the 300-word limit or they will be returned.
On to more enjoyable subjects: The new Center City Softball League Official Gear and Collectibles catalog is out and I think all will agree that the 2012 edition is even better than the best-selling 2011 version.
We have a number of categories this year and so, I’ll just start at the top and give you the highlights. Order quickly, because some items have “limited” quantities.
PERSONAL GEAR – Arm Guards ($17), Leather Tunic ($44), Large Padded Cushion ($22), Elmer Ogre Beer Cozy ($4), Rallye Cap ($16).


Leather Tunic, $44.
 Available in M, L, XL,
 XXL and Ogre.

 SAFETY AND HYGIENE – Cleaniswab Kit ($15), Toxiwaste Holder ($12), Edventure Toothbrush ($3).
FIELD EQUIPMENT – Shovel ($45), Recycled Charcoal Strike Mat ($34), Festive Bunting ($39), Orange Foul Cones/Party Hats ($12), Pitching Rubber/Dog Biscuit ($20).
MISCELLANEOUS EDVENTURE FUN-DUCERS – Full Moon Rallye Towels (pair only, $12), Edventure Booty Bag ($25).
HOAGIEFEST ACCESSORIES – Table ($32), Ron Goldwyn Spray (protect your hoagie! $10), Jeff Flynn Lightning-Resistant Tent ($64).
CCSL COLLECTIBLES – Pete Kellepourey Autographed Shovel ($90), Elmer Wiley Genuine Giraffe Femur Bat ($129), Phyllis Demo Workout Video ($24 DVD, $18 Laserdisk, $16 Betamax), Belmont 4 WaterSlide Edventure Slide ($68), Pittsburgh Benson Bobblehead ($32), Nick Ventrola Guide To Temple University Nightlife ($16 unsigned, $12 signed).
Well, that’s just a “taste” of what we have to offer in 2012. If you would like to receive the full catalog, drop me an email at EdForLife@RallyeFoundation.com or place your request in a standard No. 10 business envelope and place it beneath the recycled charcoal strike mat at the next Catahoula Refugees home game (Tues., July 10, Edgeley 8 vs. Forcebuddy).
Include a 300-word narrative – single spaced is always preferable – on why you believe you “deserve” to receive a catalog and include a detailed list of your past purchases. Items can be shipped one of three ways: ground, express and EdVentureCare Delivery.
Standard ground shipping takes 16-18 weeks and cannot be guaranteed to arrive within that time frame. Express shipping takes 8-10 weeks for those who live within the city limits of Philadelphia, slightly longer to the suburbs and Pittsburgh.
EdVentureCare Delivery is guaranteed to arrive the next day. I will drive to your home with your purchases and bring them to your door. EdVentureCare Delivery – which includes a “free” Rallye Towel gift (although there is a small shipping and handling fee for the towel) – is only $12.95 per item for the first five items and $9.95 for each additional item. So, order big and save big!
OK for now, folks. Get going on those catalog requests, and don’t forget to send me your 300-word narratives regarding what happed post-Hoagiefest. Let’s identify the guilty, send them on their way and get back to playing softball and having a wonderful Edventure!

NO GAME TODAY! NARRATIVE TO COME!

Hi, fellow CCSL’ers, I hope you are all having a wonderful Thursday and are also not planning on attending today’s Art Museum vs. Please Touch Museum makeup game.

 Word has just been received at the Commissioner’s Office that one captain, alias Pittsburgh Suspendee #1, forgot to confirm an agreed-upon date with the Touchers.  Looks like my latest Edventure Full Moon Rallye really “stumped” him!

As you all know, Full Moon Rallyes (entry fee of $15.99, optional commemorative Rallye towels $8.99, for a pair!) are an exciting time, and also a great way to experience the city of Philadelphia and schedule makeup games.  Pittsburgh Suspendee #1 must have missed a clue right outside his place of work (What is a statue and rhymes with Socky?) and got lost on his way to Please Touch to inform them of the aforementioned agreed-upon date. 

A 300 word narrative is expected to arrive sometime this afternoon, and a decision will be made regarding the future of this game.  Depending on the tone and punctuation of the narrative, Please Touch may be awarded a 4-run handicap, and also 4 outs per inning from innings 5-7, inclusive.  This is in accordance with our latest rulebook (which is conveniently located on the right tab.)

But don’t worry. Just think of that 4-run penalty as an Edventure!

Important Reminders!!!!

Everyone, I hate to be a Gloomy Gus, but I have  to draw your attention a problem that's currently running rampant throughout the CCSL.  Apparently, some people have been playing for a couple of teams due to scheduling, rain, and women concerns.  This is not acceptable.  I don't want to name anyone specifically, but there are 3 people who have played for multiple teams this year.  Two girls have done this and one guy to the Office's knowledge.  One girl played for the Tap Room then defected to the Refugees for what I assume are obvious reasons.  Another girl played for the Franklin Institute then played a game for the Fleisher Art Museum.  The guy, a cousin of some other new guy named TJ (apparently people really are named TJ) played for the Philadelphia Art Museum then for the Refugees.  No fines or suspensions will be rendered for prior infractions but shall be handed down going forward.  Remember that you must follow the league rules if you wish to change teams and get your 300 word narratives in early!  They must be laminated and written in Courier at 18 pt font for ease of readability. 

Moving on, there has been a rash of pitching injuries recently, mostly due to over-eager hitters.  Just a reminder to protect yourself out there.  Catcher's gear can be purchased from the League office for $32.50 and pitchers are allowed to wear arm guards ($17), leather tunics ($44), or use a large padded cushion ($22) to deflect wayward balls.  These prices do not include tax and service charges.  Please email the league for further inquiries.

Now that the gloominess is over, I'd like to also remind you of the Full Moon Rallye that's coming up soon. June 12-23. Remember to bring your owns skiffs and scuttleabouts.  See that email that I sent to all of you for registration fees and rules and also know that as a friendly competitive warning, Carolyn and I will be winning all the marbles so expect to compete for 2nd place!  Just kidding.  Stay safe and see you soon!

TIME TO GET UP FOR HOAGIEFEST!

Yes, Hoagiefest is upon us, according to Sandwich Chairman Phyllis Demon and the scheduled date is June 5 at Dairy 2. This is the 3rd Annual Hoagiefest and the previous ones have been great, except for last year when Ron Goldwyn ate all the hoagies.

As you know, there are proceeds in the Center City Softball League bank account to cover prepared meats, cheese and fabulous rolls, and these are a result of your continuing participation in Edventures!

Speaking of which, this coming weekend, we will be Edventuring around the city of Philadelphia. Prizes will go to the teams that can solve the mystery of which Broad Street Line station has the cleanest restroom. Sounds like fun to me.

Participating teams can register ($35 registration fee) with me, and must also purchase a CleanliSwab Kit ($15) and ToxiWaste Holder ($12) to qualify for the fabulous prizes, which include one free pint of Woodchuck Cider at Cherry Street Tavern (minus a $4 handling charge) and a batting practice ball signed by adult film legend Don Money.

So, don't miss Hoagiefest. Should be another cracker of a good time.

ARE SHADY CHARACTERS HANGING AROUND YOUR GAMES?

It has come to the attention of the commissioner's office that there are betting lines being posted for Center City Softball League games, even though this is in obvious violation of league rules, which state emphatically that there can be no financial changing of hands involving league play without the standard 10 percent service charge being delivered to Club Edventure in small, unmarked bills hidden beneath the porta-potty at Dairy 4.
I think we all know the dangers of gambling and its possible effect on the public's confidence that CCSL play is "on the level." I will give you a quick example and in no way an I saying there was anything hinky about this result, but it is the sort of thing that the media can pick up on and make us look bad.
The Catahoula Refugees and the Zoo played on Tuesday night. According to a "betting line sheet" that I found crumpled near the trash can that the park commission has conveniently placed at the bottom of the hill near Dairy 2, the Refugees were 12-run favorites in the game and the "over and under" on the game was a total of 25 runs.
Well, and as you know I have to recuse myself in some ways from getting involved in this matter, because Commissioner Ed Venture (me) plays for Catahoula, but I don't know if there was anything "funny" going on, but it turned out that the 13-9 final score didn't cover the spread and the 22-run total was also under expectations. Now, it's clear that some members of the Catahoula team, without my knowledge, and perhaps even in cahoots with the Zoo, could have conspired to keep the score close and cashed in on the outcome. Guys, we can't have this in the CCSL.
What we can have, however, is a great time this coming weekend as Club Edventure looks for buried treasure along Forbidden Drive. Every contestant will receive a shovel (for a $45 service charge) and an official Edventure Booty Bag ($25 service charge). Come on out and see what you can find! And while we're digging through the dirt, let's remember to keep the CCSL clean!

WEATHER TO PLAY EXPLAINED

Reminder:  As I emailed before Thursdays appear to the best makeup day although no one has really checked other times.  Please remember to start rescheduling those makeup games early so I can get the schedules out and we make sure that our postseason and All-Star games are not interfered with.

Additionally, for rogue captains who don’t want to play when the weather is just a little gloomy, remember that we need to get these games in. Regardless of your own personal feelings about mist and drizzle, you put the league back when you put your own needs ahead of those of the other teams.

 In their defense, focused rainstorms were called for on Dairy 4 between 6:30 and 8 with “mild winds” and less than half an inch of rain.  So be careful out there, campers.  Can’t be injured for Summer EdventureFest.  July 12-17.

Rules for calling off a game

·         Captains must meet at field 1 hr prior to start of game, regardless of weather

·         Captains must both wander around the field for 5 minutes testing for puddles, playability, and mudification.  Safety is a priority.

·         Captains must then check Weather.com to determine forecast for the field between 6:30-8. 

·         If the field is unplayable as determined by both captains and the above rules are met, captains must then email Commissioner to get postponement approval.

·         Once approval is given (allow 1-2 hrs), captains are free to email their team and set up a rescheduled game through the League office.

EARLY GETTING STARTED MID-SEASON CCSL REPORT: LOOKING GOOD

We're off and running, kids, and I don't know how things could be going much better in the Center City Softball League, which is really, if you think about it, just a reflection of good organization at the top of the league.

I expect to hear any day now about that sixth field permit that we knew we were going to need if we wanted to expand from eight to 10 teams and not get ourselves into a nightmare situation with the scheduling. Nope, we're too smart for that.

As it turns out, though, nagging the Fairmount Park Commission can have a little bit of a downside. When you complain about not having enough fields, those darn guys -- with kind of a wacky sense of humor, you must admit -- dig up one of the fields that we do have. I'm sure you've noticed that Dairy 2 is under construction, and those of you who have been scheduled to play there this season had to go on a scavenger hunt for another field.

But, you know what, scavenger hunts can be kind of fun. And that reminds me. If anyone is looking for an Edventure this coming weekend, I am sponsoring a City Hunt on Saturday and Sunday. Three-person teams, which must include at least one female, will scour Philadelphia for misspelled street signs. When you locate one, you have to cut it down and bring it to the Cherry Street Tavern to register your find. All signs become property of Club Edventure, but if you are sentimental about it, we'll be happy to sell it back to you at a reasonable price! Anyway, register now or miss out on a great time!

Now, where were we? Oh, yes, softball. As you can see by the standings, the new guys, those wacky Catahoula Refugees, are undefeated in one division and the South Philly Tap Room is undefeated in the other. The rest of you also-rans are having nice seasons, too, I'm sure, although I'm not paying that much attention.

Please send me any suggestions or complaints and keep us informed of where those darned games are being played, if anywhere. Just think of it as an adventure. Better yet, an Edventure!